I've realised that I have identified a behaviour in the world of dieting, I'm calling it the climate-change model condition. It is characterised by wild fluctuations in calorie intake. Some days will see me eating close to 3000 calories, whereas others have seen me eating around 600 calories. But, despite all these peaks and troughs, my average intake is about where it should be so the trend line still points towards weight-loss.
I'm calling it this because it's a bit like climate science, stick with me folks, with the fluctuation of global temperatures. The planet goes through warm periods and cold periods but the average still increases so the trend is towards a significant change in climate.
We stand in the face of an enormous challenge, a struggle that will change our lives forever, it could feature starvation, misery, and anger, but that's a diet for you, no pain no gain.
You'll be pleased to hear that my diet is now back on track, I've got through the period of self-pity where I felt like the effort was pointless. I think whenever we go through challenges and are pushed out of our comfort zone, the flight or fight instinct shapes our behaviour. Like in war, when the fight has gone on so long and the end isn't in sight there's always the temptation to take flight and give in. As long as the goal is worthwhile and outweighs the sacrifice, we must stay on course, to give in is to punish your achievement and deny yourself what you've worked so hard towards.
To step up the fight, I've enrolled in a Karate class. I've seen the Karate Kid films so I know what to expect, I've already bought my paintbrush and car wax. According to the internet, so it must be true, you burn over 1500 calories in a 2 hour session. I'll give you a full report next week where I'll try to avoid comparing eating less to global conflict and catastrophe.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Record Breakers
(This is from the 20th August)
This has been a record breaking week for my diet. I consumed the most amount of calories in a day since my diet started, get Roy Castle on the phone.
The boss took us away to London for the weekend where he selfishly wined and dined us without considering my diet. A pre-packaged BLT and a bag of peanuts on the train down set the diet-free tone for the day.
Instead of my usual salad, I had a three-course lunch while cruising down the Thames. After a bottle of wine, I regaled my colleagues with tales of my heroic struggle against calories between mouthfuls of chocolate brownie, while trying to ignore their incredulous glazed eyes.
We then hopped on the London eye. I'm sure my stomach was intent on punishing the lunch-time extravagance by trying to lay my lunch out in front of me, like the Gillian McKeith of the gastrointestinal world, while I stand there humiliated promising to do better. I managed to keep my lunch down and swiftly exited at the first available moment. A sightseeing walk was in order to burn off those extra calories.
That evening another record was broken, I had what seemed like the world's smallest lasagne in Covent Garden. We drank more wine as we dined Al Fresco listening to a busker bash out what my drunken ears judged to be a perfect rendition of Pink Floyd's Wish you were here before heading back to the hotel for some late night, alcohol-fueled action with an old-flame from the pre-diet days, a Doner Kebab.
With last weeks bag of doughnuts and this 4442 calorie day out, this column reads more like Elvis Presley's post mortem report than a diet diary. This latest splurge has helped kick the diet out of it's recent malaise though, I'm back on the salad and been to the gym 3 times this week already. I've not assessed the damage yet as I haven't brought myself to replace my broken scales, I hope I haven't broken a weight-gain record.
This has been a record breaking week for my diet. I consumed the most amount of calories in a day since my diet started, get Roy Castle on the phone.
The boss took us away to London for the weekend where he selfishly wined and dined us without considering my diet. A pre-packaged BLT and a bag of peanuts on the train down set the diet-free tone for the day.
Instead of my usual salad, I had a three-course lunch while cruising down the Thames. After a bottle of wine, I regaled my colleagues with tales of my heroic struggle against calories between mouthfuls of chocolate brownie, while trying to ignore their incredulous glazed eyes.
We then hopped on the London eye. I'm sure my stomach was intent on punishing the lunch-time extravagance by trying to lay my lunch out in front of me, like the Gillian McKeith of the gastrointestinal world, while I stand there humiliated promising to do better. I managed to keep my lunch down and swiftly exited at the first available moment. A sightseeing walk was in order to burn off those extra calories.
That evening another record was broken, I had what seemed like the world's smallest lasagne in Covent Garden. We drank more wine as we dined Al Fresco listening to a busker bash out what my drunken ears judged to be a perfect rendition of Pink Floyd's Wish you were here before heading back to the hotel for some late night, alcohol-fueled action with an old-flame from the pre-diet days, a Doner Kebab.
With last weeks bag of doughnuts and this 4442 calorie day out, this column reads more like Elvis Presley's post mortem report than a diet diary. This latest splurge has helped kick the diet out of it's recent malaise though, I'm back on the salad and been to the gym 3 times this week already. I've not assessed the damage yet as I haven't brought myself to replace my broken scales, I hope I haven't broken a weight-gain record.
Thursday, 13 August 2009
Fat brain offensive
This could well be my last column as I stepped on the scales today and they read 0kg. It seems that I have lost all of my weight now, although it may be the case the scales have broken.
This week we took the children to Gulliver’s Kingdom, a children’s theme park in the Peak District. The paths between rides are so unbelievably steep that it makes you wonder why anyone thought this was a good place for a theme park. But with the dieting mindset I saw these paths as perfect calorie burners.
My new dieting mindset has been under attack from my old mindset, the one responsible for keeping me fat. The war between them has been raging since I started the diet, but, armed with enthusiasm and hope, my new mindset was easily winning out, until recently.
I spotted a hot-donut stand at the park. I can take or leave chocolate, cakes aren’t really my thing, but deep-fried flour and egg covered in sugar is my weakness. A few weeks ago, with my dieting mindset, I would have maybe bought one or even walked past. I am ashamed to report I bought a bag of 4. I felt no guilt as I sat in the car, eating sweet donuts, in a perfect rapture.
These lapses have happened quite often in the last week, it seems my enthusiasm is starting wane and with it, my willpower. During my diet, my enthusiasm has been fuelled by people noticing my weight-loss and also being able to fit into smaller jeans shortly after starting the diet.
I’ve felt recently that the diet has become a burden. I understand the importance of it though so I’m not ready to give up just yet. Like a city banker, I really should start looking at the long-term gains rather than the buzz of the short-term fix.
I’m glad my scales are broken; I don’t think I would have liked the result of this week’s weigh in.
This week we took the children to Gulliver’s Kingdom, a children’s theme park in the Peak District. The paths between rides are so unbelievably steep that it makes you wonder why anyone thought this was a good place for a theme park. But with the dieting mindset I saw these paths as perfect calorie burners.
My new dieting mindset has been under attack from my old mindset, the one responsible for keeping me fat. The war between them has been raging since I started the diet, but, armed with enthusiasm and hope, my new mindset was easily winning out, until recently.
I spotted a hot-donut stand at the park. I can take or leave chocolate, cakes aren’t really my thing, but deep-fried flour and egg covered in sugar is my weakness. A few weeks ago, with my dieting mindset, I would have maybe bought one or even walked past. I am ashamed to report I bought a bag of 4. I felt no guilt as I sat in the car, eating sweet donuts, in a perfect rapture.
These lapses have happened quite often in the last week, it seems my enthusiasm is starting wane and with it, my willpower. During my diet, my enthusiasm has been fuelled by people noticing my weight-loss and also being able to fit into smaller jeans shortly after starting the diet.
I’ve felt recently that the diet has become a burden. I understand the importance of it though so I’m not ready to give up just yet. Like a city banker, I really should start looking at the long-term gains rather than the buzz of the short-term fix.
I’m glad my scales are broken; I don’t think I would have liked the result of this week’s weigh in.
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Downsizer's Top Tips
This week has yielded some sad news in my personal life. I don’t think discussing the implications of this on my diet is entirely appropriate considering the other people that are more affected by this tragedy than me. All I can report is that my chocolate intake surged this week.
As someone who has spent the last 10 years dieting, I’ve picked up some tips that have helped me along the way, I thought I would take the opportunity this week to share some with you.
Don’t ban foods that you really like, they will tempt you into failure. If you enjoy your daily chocolate bar, incorporate it. Set a daily calorie limit and don’t exceed it.
A reduced workout is better than no workout if you’re feeling idle.
Log every single calorie you consume, every cup of tea and every bite of celery. If you’re unsure of the content then over report rather than under report. You can see where you’re going wrong and what you need to cut out. Use a free website such as foodfocus.co.uk.
Eat less; exercise more. We all know this, so in order for nutritional experts to justify their existence and make money they have muddied the waters with their idiotic advice and hundreds of diets all promoted using complex science-sounding jargon by people wearing white coats to give an air of scientific authenticity. Unlike Doctor or Nurse, anyone can call themselves a nutritionist, and many unqualified people do and get given a TV show.
Next time someone on TV tells you to detox, eat “superfoods”, or drink a special soup, ignore them. Just eat less, drink plenty of water, get your 5-a-day, and exercise more; your body will detoxify itself, you’ll lose weight and you’ll reduce your risk of cancer and heart disease to boot.
My favourite bit of advice is to keep a bottle of washing-up liquid to hand. Sometimes I’ll be half way through eating a slice of cake, or something I shouldn’t, and think to myself, I really could do without eating the rest of this, but it’s so yummy. If you start thinking this, quickly, and without thinking about it, squirt the rest of the food with washing up liquid rendering it inedible.
If none of this works for you then I recommend putting yourself up for possible public humiliation by describing your efforts in a newspaper or blog. The fear of failing in public is enough to move a few pounds out of your system.
As someone who has spent the last 10 years dieting, I’ve picked up some tips that have helped me along the way, I thought I would take the opportunity this week to share some with you.
Don’t ban foods that you really like, they will tempt you into failure. If you enjoy your daily chocolate bar, incorporate it. Set a daily calorie limit and don’t exceed it.
A reduced workout is better than no workout if you’re feeling idle.
Log every single calorie you consume, every cup of tea and every bite of celery. If you’re unsure of the content then over report rather than under report. You can see where you’re going wrong and what you need to cut out. Use a free website such as foodfocus.co.uk.
Eat less; exercise more. We all know this, so in order for nutritional experts to justify their existence and make money they have muddied the waters with their idiotic advice and hundreds of diets all promoted using complex science-sounding jargon by people wearing white coats to give an air of scientific authenticity. Unlike Doctor or Nurse, anyone can call themselves a nutritionist, and many unqualified people do and get given a TV show.
Next time someone on TV tells you to detox, eat “superfoods”, or drink a special soup, ignore them. Just eat less, drink plenty of water, get your 5-a-day, and exercise more; your body will detoxify itself, you’ll lose weight and you’ll reduce your risk of cancer and heart disease to boot.
My favourite bit of advice is to keep a bottle of washing-up liquid to hand. Sometimes I’ll be half way through eating a slice of cake, or something I shouldn’t, and think to myself, I really could do without eating the rest of this, but it’s so yummy. If you start thinking this, quickly, and without thinking about it, squirt the rest of the food with washing up liquid rendering it inedible.
If none of this works for you then I recommend putting yourself up for possible public humiliation by describing your efforts in a newspaper or blog. The fear of failing in public is enough to move a few pounds out of your system.
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